left-wing agenda, spreading traitorous leaks and, worst of all, giving free publicity to Twitter. that decadent online lounge of the latte loving elites.
It must be a huge story because The Australian, Rupert Murdoch's loss-making broadsheet, has devoted acres of space to it in recent weeks. All the big gun columnists have been rolled out to deliver a patent leather kick up the polyester-clad behinds of the public service broadcasters.
And really, it's what freedom demands, after all. Each morning, this blogger is awakened to a litany of leftist traffic and finance summaries on ABC news radio, alongside radical spin on the police rounds, court reports and updates on the country women's association scone-making awards.
For the past three years, we were subjected to rip and read transcripts of Opposition press releases (don't think we didn't hear the snarky tone in the newsreaders' voices) and coded messages to the secret revolutionary guard from firebrands like Fran Kelly and Leigh Sales.
You see, the ABC lives in a cossetted, taxpayer-funded vacuum, hoovering up billions in public money to plot the leftist overthrow of the capitalist state. It has no understanding of profit and loss, unlike The Australian which successfully delivers a loss every quarter.
Yes, surveys show the public trust ABC news more than any other outlet. But that is part of the conspiracy. They have hoodwinked the public to trust them. In fact, if you play the 730 Report backwards, you can hear Leigh saying "brothers and sisters, the time of reckoning approaches".
It is everywhere on their cursed airwaves. The Rural Report features fifth columnists dressed up as farmers, their mumbling about wheat yields code for the overthrow of the capitalist class. When David and Margaret give Five Stars to some socialist French new wave 50s classic, they are urging on the intelligentsia to fire up their Vespas for the revolution at hand. As for those left-bank running dogs Jennifer and Marieke on The Book Club, they are clearly in league with Richard Flanagan to destroy the pulp mill industry.
And Mark Scott - is he not the prototype for the powerful and distant publisher whose most banal utterances become signals to his supine editors to twist copy so as to appease his vile and extreme ideological prejudices? Surely there is no-one so powerful on the global media stage.
And all this with no consumer utility. Yes, iView allows you to catch up on TV programs you have missed. And, yes, there are podcasts of popular radio programs like Big Ideas and Background Briefing. But these are all devices for stupefying the population with facts and culture and entertainment so as to brainwash them with leftist propaganda.
Can you not see this? It is staring you in the face Australia. Nay, it is inside you already and coursing through your veins - a sickness of our democracy that is destroying us from within.
There is only one solution if humanity is to be saved. The ABC must be broken up and sold, its assets distributed to a struggling publisher like News Corporation who can better serve your interests by listening in on your private phone calls and smashing the subversive left into the very dust of history.
Let Freedom Ring!